Cartagena, Colombia: a hot, historical city on Colombia’s tropical Caribbean coast. We originally planned to spend a week here, our very first stop on our year-long travel adventure. But due to forces beyond our control, we’ve ended up here for a week longer than planned (ok, here’s what happened: we were supposed to go on a 6-day trek through the jungle. But then it was too hot, so we didn’t. We’re not what you’d call hardcore adventure enthusiasts, ok?)
During our extra week, having seen all that we could of the historical center, the various museums, the beaches of Bocagrande, and the street art filled Getsemani, we decide to venture out to one of the widely advertised tours in Cartagena: taking a mud bath inside of the Totumo Volcano, a dormant volcano filled with, apparently, mud. There are tons of tour operators advertising the same tour, and you can book one online here.
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Totumo Volcano Mud Bath
Before we book our tour, we check out the TripAdvisor reviews for Volcan Totumo and they seem legit (we have a habit of always trusting strangers on the internet, usually with disastrous results).
Visiting the mud volcano seemed like one of the most popular (and unusual) things to do in Cartagena. We figured taking a mud bath sounded a little bit spa-like. And taking a mud bath in a volcano … well, that’s one of those things you know will come in handy as a conversation starter at a party sometime.
Little did we know that this mud volacno is Cartagena’s most ridiculous tour.
Psst…Looking for an alternative way to spend the day in Cartagena? How about playing in the bright blue waters of the Caribbean and relaxing on the sand – no mud involved! We’ve got a guide to our favorite Cartagena day trip, Isla Baru and Playa Blanca.
Leaving for Cartagena’s Mud Volcano… sort of
On the day of our mud volcano outing, our spirits are high when a shuttle bus picks us up on time from our hostel early in the morning.
I’m pleased that we don’t have to spend money on a taxi to get ourselves to the location of the tour office, which is in Bocagrande (because I am a notorious penny pincher and it would cost like a whole $2).
The shuttle bus picks up only 1 other guy and then immediately heads in the direction of the office. Hmm, maybe this will be a small trip, we think optimistically. We weren’t yet familiar with the secret rule of Colombian transportation: if a bus has an empty seat, it will drive around for hours to find someone to fill it before heading to its destination.
Once we arrive at the office, we board a larger bus – similar to one of the big coach buses we’d gotten used to taking around Colombia. Definitely not a small trip: there’s room for at least 30.
Things are still looking good and we’re excited to set our sights on the Totumo Volcano … until we spend the next 2 hours driving around the same 4 blocks, meeting shuttle vans and slowly accumulating other people from their hotels in Bocagrande.
I am not a morning person, and I resent losing 2 hours of my sleep. I think I actually would have preferred to shell out the $2 (GASP)!
After a very long time, and a very in-depth tour of the same 4-blocks, we finally begin the drive out of Cartagena towards the mud volcano.
Actually Leaving Cartagena for the Mud Volcano
A little while after we leave, our guide for the day, Vanessa, stands up and gives us a rundown of instructions.
She speaks slowly and clearly, but in Spanish, so I only understand about half of what she’s saying. Somehow, “mud baths” was not one of the categories of vocab words we learned at school in Spanish class.
I nudge Jeremy. “She’s talking about the mud baths,” I inform him unhelpfully. “And I think she said something about lunch.” My job is translator only because it’s the only job Jeremy can’t do better than I can. We’re misinformed most of the time.
After her rundown of rules and guidelines, which are completely lost on us, she has everyone on the bus introduce themselves to the rest of the bus, which seems a little …. odd. I’ve never been on a tour bus before, so I’m not sure if this is common.
I felt the social expectations of the day grow by an order of magnitude now that we had officially been asked to interact, and I didn’t like it, because I am an introvert and I actually enjoy the fact that my poor Spanish prevents me from having conversations. It’s like a nice excuse to not talk to anyone for the next 7 months, and here it was being taken away from me.
Thankfully, everyone else seemed as awkward about introducing themselves as we did.
Arriving at Totumo Volcano for our Mud Bath
After our awkward introductions, we pull into the long driveway of the Cartagena mud volcano. At this point our guide says something about “removarse su ropa.” Huh?
I turn to Jeremy. “I think she said something about clothing, but I don’t …” even as I’m translating, people around me start to stand up and take their clothes off, like some kind of improbable ultra-amateur porn.
The Brazilian dad next to us (we knew he was Brazilian thanks to our awkward intros and a lot of cheering about the Brazilian soccer team), with the speed of a superhero changing into their costume in the face of great danger, is suddenly wearing only tiny striped undies.
It was as if as he stood, all of his clothes just dissolved and then ceased to exist. Little did I know that he would remain in those striped tighty whities for the next 8 hours of my life.
Horrified at the notion of removing all of my clothes on a bus filled with people (we’re American – privacy is our RIGHT, dammit), and shocked by the hairy Brazilian Dadbutt suddenly filling my field of vision, I stare wide-eyed and stricken at Jeremy. “I’m not changing into my bathing suit here,” I hiss. He nods, similarly horrified.
We sit awkwardly in our clothes while everyone around us is happily in various states of undress.
A Sign Of What Is Still To Come
Finally, we all pile out of the bus to a little hut sitting next to a large anthill – oh, I realize, that’s Volcan Totumo.
I look for somewhere to change into my clothing, and find a tiny bathroom stall with a grimy, dirty urinal and no lock. Lovely.
My only other option is the broken, clogged toilet stall next to it. I opt for the dirty urinal and hold my breath, trying not to touch the disgusting walls while I change in the tiny space.
Feeling gross, I look for somewhere to wash my hands, and find a broken sink covered in flies and dirt. Of course. Oh well, I’m about to be covered in mud anyway, I guess.
I leave my belongings in a heap and make my way up to the anthill where the rest of the bus has already lined up on a huge staircase.
Attack of the Killer Totumo Volcano Mud Bath
We spend about 45 minutes burning in the hot sun waiting on the staircase. We chat with the American behind us in line, who I find out works at my alma mater. This is exciting enough to distract me from how hot and sunny it is on this stupid staircase for about 10 seconds.
Finally, we make our way up to the top of the anthill and get a chance to peek into the volcano.
What we see is a small muddy pit, totally filled with writhing bodies covered in brown slime. Some guys are vigorously rubbing people as they lay jostling about in the mud next to other people who are not getting massages.
There are like 30 people crammed into a 10×10 foot hole with a mud puddle in it. It’s the furthest thing from spa-like I could possible have imagined.
I start to get icked out. When someone puts her naked baby in the mud puddle, I’m full on squeamish. Like, no diaper?? Nothing to keep this kid from doing whatever he wants in this tiny mud puddle, which, oh god, I realize, has probably had the same mud in it for WHO KNOWS HOW LONG?
I examine the mud bath a little more closely and to my horror find a thick oil slick on top of it – remnants of sunscreen, hair gel, sweat, and who knows what else from the thousands of visitors to the volcano. How do you clean a mud puddle? You can’t! The realization hits me like a slimy pile of bricks.
I point out the inch-thick oil floating on top of the mud pool to Jeremy, who doesn’t seem concerned. “I’m NOT putting it on my face,” I tell him obstinately, watching with disgust as several carefree tourists do just that.
Getting Into The Mud Volcano
Finally, it is our turn to climb down the rickety ladder into the mud bath.
As I descend, someone grabs my hips. “NO!” I shriek, unnecessarily loudly. “NO MASAJE!”
When I reach the bottom of the ladder, the massage guy throws me across the pool. I say “across” but there is no across because the pool is filled with bodies, all of which I careen into on my crash course to the edge of the pool.
I flail helplessly but the mud, like some kind of alien goop, has different properties than water and there’s no way to control the propelling of your body.
To my relief, Jeremy grabs my hand and pulls me towards a wall, rescuing me from flying face first into Brazillian Dadbutt. We hunker in an unoccupied space, trying not to touch the various limbs of people all around us.
“Having fun?” I grumble in Jeremy’s general direction.
Of course, he is. My husband is like a happy puppy in every situation.
I push the oil slick slowly advancing towards me away every 3 seconds and hold on to the wall for dear life.
From my hiding vantage point, I can observe the rest of the cramped pool. Lots of people have decided to completely cover themselves in mud, faces and hair and all. I have no idea why, but they looked like they were enjoying it.
Meanwhile, I flinch whenever someone splashes mud close enough to land near my eyes and mouth (I’m SURE this mud is poisonous).
Next to me, an old woman who is lying face down in the mud getting a massage sputters and calls out for help – she’s gotten the mud in her eyes and it’s burning. See. Poisonous. She calls for help unanswered for so long that others in the mud puddle start to call for help for her.
There is an entire chorus of mud-covered creatures all yelling out for help, like a scene out of a horror movie: Attack of the Killer Mud Bath. Finally, one of the mud volcano workers brings over a small bottle of water and dumps it on the old woman’s face.
Someone asks me and Jeremy to pose for a picture. I try to manage a smile.
Attack of the Killer Volcano Mud Bath 2: Revenge of the Abuelas
After a few minutes of bobbing in the mud and pushing oil away from me, I inform Jeremy that I feel that I’ve gotten my money’s worth. We pull ourselves out of the mud up another rickety ladder.
Someone starts rubbing me everywhere to help me get the mud off. It is entirely too much hands-on activity for me.
Still covered in slick mud, we make our way down another tall staircase, hobble across hot gravel with no shoes, and walk down to where we were told there’s a lagoon to jump in to wash off the mud in.
Only, there is no lagoon. There is only a muddy puddle of water, a swamp, and some old abuelas sitting next to giant tanks of dirty, muddy water pulled from either the puddle or the swamp.
They instruct us to sit and begin vigorously sponge bathing us from head to toe with the dirty water. Hands reach into my bathing suit to shake out mud. There is so much touching.
But for some reason this is not optional – you have to let the abuelas wash you, and then you have to pay them for it.
The abuelas are aggressive and don’t do a particularly good job. Jeremy and I emerge from our sponge baths still dirty and feeling a little violated.
I just want to not have mud on me anymore, so I make my way back to the tiny dirty urinal and change again. I still feel gross and still want to wash my hands.
Leaving Totumo Volcano: Next Stop, La Boquilla
We are finally done with our totumo volcano mud bath!
After waiting a little while, we all climb back on the bus – still fairly muddy, still mostly not wearing clothing, still with Brazilian Dadbutt hanging out all over the place.
We drive 45 minutes to the tiny fishing town of La Boquilla where we are supposed to get lunch.
Lunch is actually very good, despite being seated across from Brazilian Dadbutt, who found a way to put his hairy butt in my face at every opportunity (like everywhere I looked, his butt was somehow there first. How?!).
After the meal, we all go out to the beach and jump in the warm Caribbean water. Finally, something enjoyable. I swim with all of my clothes on, just relishing not having mud on me.
That was by far the best part of the day. Although to be fair, we’d done the same thing the day before without paying to be covered in mud first.
We get back on the bus still soaking wet (and without Brazilian Dadbutt putting on any more clothing) and drive back to Cartagena.
We drive for another 2 hours dropping off absolutely everyone (Brazilian Dadbutt literally waltzes into his hotel wearing only tighty whities) and we’re finally told to get out of the bus a 15 minute walk away from our hostel. I guess the drop-off service isn’t included for everyone. So nice to be informed.
We walk back through the city to our hostel, soaking wet. I immediately take a shower.
My Honest Opinion of theMud Volcano in Cartagena
The Totumo Volcano mud bath was the most ridiculous tour I’ve ever done. It’s certainly the most ridiculous tour in Cartagena, Colombia.
But it’s also one of the most unique things to do in Cartagena.
If you’re up for a weird experience and a funny anecdote, and you don’t mind being dirty and covered in oily mud while swarming around other bodies in a tiny volcano, then this is the tour for you!
You can book a Totumo Volcano mud bath tour like the one we did online at Get Your Guide.
Psst: Visiting Cartagena? We may not have loved this tour, but there’s plenty nearby that we DID love. We’ve visited the area 3 times now and we just keep coming back! Check out these posts for more:
- The 10 Most Instagrammable Places in Cartagena, Colombia
- What and Where to Eat in Cartagena, Colombia on a Budget
- How to Get from Cartagena to Santa Marta
- The Complete Guide to Minca, Colombia’s Sleepy Hidden Gem
- Exploring the Dark History of Cartagena, Colombia
What’s the most ridiculous day trip or tour you’ve ever been on? Did this post make you laugh (we hope so)! Leave us a comment below.
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Darn, the mud bath sounded really interesting, at first. Yuck. I hate the tour bus puck-up/drop-off 2 hour nonsense, and either skip those or coordinate to met at the last pick up. Glad that you were able to end the day at the beach!
It totally sounded interesting! Such a letdown. Smart to coordinate your pickup like that, now that I’m a little bit wiser I won’t make the same mistake again.
I love your story. I believe I got more enjoyment out of it than you did doing it.
Haha! Then I guess it was worth the experience!
Sounds terrible, and the little volcano so disappointing! Definitely not doing this tour if I’m going to Cartagena (I’m not fan of tours anyway, but it’s good to know that this one is not something I’d enjoy). Good that the day ended with a cool bath at the beach!
Thanks for sharing 🙂
You know, we’re beginning to realize that we really aren’t tour fans either. But hey, at least every terrible tour we go on makes for a great story at least, right?
I really enjoyed your blog and love how you put this story. So true so funny and at the same time so real. I’m going Colombia and your blog really helps me a lot when planning my trip 🙂 thank you so much
Thank you Tia! So glad our blog is helping you plan your trip! Colombia is amazing, and it’s been our favorite country in South America by far. You’re going to love it! Let us know if you have any questions about Colombia that we can help answer 🙂
Ufff, how can all those people want to fit in that tiny hole all together? I blame it on the Colombian lack of personal space respect. On the other hand, your article is hilarious!
Haha maybe! I was seriously the only person grossed out by being crammed into a teeny mud puddle, including my husband, so maybe it’s me that’s got space issues ….
What about blaming it on people from United States that are afraid of getting off their confort zone that includes not wanting to talk to other people, like wth stay home then.
In regards to GirlAstray’s comment, Karin is married to a Colombian and spent years living in Bogota, so she knows much more about Colombian space preferences than I do … I’m totally unable to comment on anyone’s space preferences but my own. And it turns out that I, like many privileged Americans, am accustomed to quite a bit of space! It’s something I learned about myself and challenge myself with constantly during our backpacking trips.
As someone who’s a massive introvert and totally doesn’t want to be forced to talk to anyone – particularly when I’m already out of my comfort zone, such as surrounded by people suddenly undressing in a confined space around me – I think there’s a big gap between “I should just stay home and never do anything” and “It’s probably good for me to get out of my comfort zone, even if I don’t actually enjoy it.” There is no right or wrong way to travel or to enjoy travel, and you don’t HAVE to enjoy everything you do while traveling, either!I didn’t particularly enjoy my mud bath, but I got a great story out of it, learned some things about what I do and don’t enjoy, and I love laughing about it and retelling the story to others – so in hindsight, I got quite a lot out of it! Even not-super-fun adventures are still adventures, and those are still worth having.
I stumbled upon your blog while sitting in the Cartagena airport trying to find some good food while we stay here the next week. My husband and I are 7 months into our 9 month trip and I totally feel you on the happy puppy husband in all situations. Also, I am the translator of us two and I catch about all the same things as you. I’m always super proud of myself and my husband finds me utterly unhelpful.
Thanks for making me spit up my coffee. This tour seems like my personal version of hell too
Haha I’m so pleased to hear that I’m not the only useless translator out there! I hope you’re having a blast in Cartagena and I hope our food post for Cartagena is helpful for you 🙂 Let me know if you have any other questions or if we can give you any recommendations during your trip, Shelby!
Oh my god, I read this post so full of hope and joy about a potential cool mudbath experience when I go to Colombia later this year and…no, just no. Your writing style is so great though! Very funny 🙂
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry to ruin that for ya, lol. I mean, my husband didn’t hate it, so maybe I’m just too easily grossed out. You could always give it a try anyway 😛 At the very least, you might get a great story out of it!
Hilarious!! Even so, I’m not totally completely grossed out by the mud bath idea. But the oil slick… and changing in a bus in front of people or a nasty bathroom – those things do freak me out a bit!
Me too, Natalie! I’m still totally open to the idea of taking a mud bath … just maybe one inside a spa, perhaps?
I just came back from Cartagena, Colombia and stumbled upon this post on Pinterest. I did this tour, and I must say your version is overly dramatic. I think the main problem for your unhappiness was who you did the tour with and your attitude. Our shuttle picked us up and dropped us off at our air bnb, they also informed us that we should come in our bathing suits (obviously?). They monitor how many people are in the mud bath, so that it’s not overly crowded. You didn’t have to yell at the massager, simply say no, have some consideration that that’s how he makes his living. Yes there is someone who wipes the mud off of you because or else you’d slip right down the steps, its common sense. The women who wash you are also just trying to make a living, and it’s not “required”, you can say no and wash yourself, which is what I did and I came out completely mud free. I respect you for having your opinion, but your attitude about the whole thing probably made this situation worse. I think you should’ve tried to have more of an open mind especially considering the country and activity you were doing, and also have some consideration that yes you’re paying these people for these “services” but it’s literally 1 American dollar, I think most people who are traveling to another country can spare that much.
I’m so glad you enjoyed your tour more than I did! We definitely didn’t go with the best tour operator (and they specifically told us that none of the touching was optional except for the massages! I’m glad yours was more optional.) But this was really written in an exaggerated way to be humorous. Rest assured, I did not actually yell at anybody 😉 It was an absolutely ridiculous tour and we got a fantastic story out of it. I’m super easily grossed out, so it wasn’t a great fit for me, but those who are less easily squicked out (and don’t mind the touching… soooo much touching) would get a kick out of this tour!
Thank you so much for this Ally! You are completely correct, my tour was just as enjoyable as yours. I am currently here and went on the tour 2 days ago, and my tour guide was pleasant sweet. Just as you said our guide informed us that services provided (massages and washing) were completely optional. I understand that this was written as a humorous post however it is a very inaccurate depiction of how the tour went. Thank you for shedding light on this WONDERFUL experience.
Wow! I really need to figure out what tour operators you guys had versus the one we did, because it sounds like our experiences were really night and day. I’m so glad that this tour isn’t as ridiculous for everyone as it was for me! Let me know if you have any tour guide recommendations.
Great post, Lia! I’m actually taking this tour tomorrow and may wake up and decide against it. Yours is the third article I’ve read in the last few minutes and everyone describes this unpleasant (according to me) experience but then says…”but you should totally try it out” so I’m super indecisive lol. I too am an introvert and the touching thing has me ready to back out…oh and let’s not forget the oil slick. After all the comments I’ve read, the woman above is the first to say the washing is optional so hmm. Anyways, thanks for the honest review!
I think the washing may depend on the tour? Ours definitely said it was NOT optional. Specifically, the massage & photos WERE optional but the massage was NOT. Although, to be fair, this is how some locals are earning a living, so it does make sense to require some services & then expect them to be tipped afterwards.
I think the reason why so many of us are saying to try it is just because everyone will have a different experience. For some folks, what I’ve described doesn’t sound terrible. For some, it does. I don’t want to discourage anyone from trying something new and forming their own opinion! Just because I didn’t enjoy it doesn’t mean someone else might – and I think we can all agree that I got a great story out of it even if I didn’t like it! I’ve laid out the way I experienced the tour, and my readers are free to make their own choices. Please let me know if you end up doing the tour, how your experience was compared to mine 🙂
My husband and I just did this tour and really enjoyed it, too. We booked it through one of the little tour kiosks on the street in the old walled city, at about $20 usd per person. They said it was an “ecotour” several times. And our small bus (not a huge tour bus) said eco tours on a sign in the windshield, and the tour guide had a green polo shirt on that also said ecotours. Anyway, we had access to a changing room, a place to put our belongings, a shower, and complimentary watermelon afterward while we waited for everyone in our group to finish. We were told that the massage and cleaning were optional. My husband had to be pretty firm about not wanting help to clean up, but we didn’t get any unwanted services. We opted out of having lunch included and so after they dropped people off at the beach/lunch location, they drove us back to our airbnb in Cartagena. We were gone from 9-130. It was a strange but totally worthwhile little trip, in my opinion. There are a lot of people in the mud together, but we didn’t notice it being oily or otherwise any grosser than you’d expect it to be, given what it is. I totally get that you were infusing your post with humor, and we used a ton of your tips while we were in Colombia, all with great results! But on this point, we really had a completely different experience and opinion than you guys. Thanks for your posts and advice, they were so helpful as we traveled through the amazing country of Colombia! Happy trails! 🙂
I am really glad you enjoyed it much more than we did! I’m hoping that since we visited in 2016, it’s been improved somewhat. Hearing this feedback definitely makes me feel better about it 🙂
This was hilarious. I loved the pics you posted with this (although I notice one was deleted;) It i so nice to see real people with great humor, depicting the real sides of travel and life. Keep up the good work!
Wow, good catch on noticing that we removed a pic! 😛 Jeremy wanted that one removed because he didn’t like the way he looked in it, as if ANYONE could look good covered in mud. You’ll all just have to imagine us in our bathing suits covered in mud instead 😀
Did you or anyone else let the helpers there completely dunk you underneath the mud there?
We personally did not, but we did see other people doing it!
Did you have video or pics. Did you help those people clear the mud out of their eyes after being dunked completely under the mud?
Hey Joe, all of the pictures we took are in this post! And no, we didn’t. We were nowhere near them, we had very little ability to move around the pool on our own (you essentially navigate by pushing off of something, floating into a bunch of other flailing bodies helplessly, and hoping you pass something you can grab onto to decelerate and stay still), and we also had nothing to clear anyone’s mud off with. We were also covered in mud, our hands were covered in mud, everything was mud. Everyone in the pool was entirely covered in mud and totally unable to help. The only ones able to help were the employees outside of the pool, who eventually got a bottle of water and dunked it on them.
Haha, thanks for this post! Made me laugh and prevents me from doing this tour. Sounds hillarious and horrible at the same time 😀
Hey, happy my freakout could provide someone with a laugh 😛
How unfortunate, I wish I hadn’t read this – I can’t believe that you would beat down and disrespect a different culture and yet refuse to adapt to a place you are visiting. I’ll be sure to never read your stuff again. Please be respectful of other cultures as you are not forced to come to our countries. One thing is give your opinion but how you speak about some of these places is astonishing to me, how sad.
I’m sorry to hear that you feel this way, CO. And you’re definitely entitled to your opinion, which I agree with in the sense that visitors should be respectful of cultural differences and cultural experiences, and adapt their expectations. But the mud baths aren’t a cultural experience, they’re a tourist attraction, and one which I did not enjoy. Sometimes travelers don’t enjoy tourist attractions, and that’s OK 🙂 We love everywhere else we’ve visited and everything else we’ve experienced in Colombia, and we’re currently planning our 5th visit back this summer. We’ve learned to become better at identifying which experiences will teach us something about Colombia and challenge us to expand our worldview, and which experiences are just there because people are willing to pay money for them.
Okay I read this entire guide and first I love your writing style – you had me laughing and hanging on your every word! Second., thanks for all the tips! I am really not wanting to book this now when I go!
Hello you two
I love reading your blogs, so entertaining you should write a book!
(Looking Forward to my 1 year travelling in south america next year)
Cheers,
Florence
You’re so sweet, Florence, thank you! Writing a book is actually something we’re really eager to do, but we’re way too lazy to self publish and surprisingly, nobody is knocking down our door offering us publishing deals 😛 (we can’t imagine why not!) If you happen to meet any publishers on your travels, please let them know that we’re here!